Dear anita,

today the same flatmate ignored me again. She was not at the meeting yesterday.I am wondering: what did I do wrong? It is possible, that I was not polite to people sometimes. At the moment I just feel stressed here at this dormitory and I don’t know how to act anymore. For example, I saw one neighbour when getting out of the train from behind. I don’t know her that well and was feeling weird and didn’t want to walk home together. So I quickly walked past her…

I guess things like that can make others uncomfortable. And because I get the feeling that people talk about me, I become more and more uncomfortable. And then I act less and less natural.

Or maybe it was because I was so nervous at the meeting and asked about the suspicions. Who knows, maybe I made myself seem guilty.

I guess all my attempts to fix things are incredibly clumsy… But I tried. And I fixed the thing with the co worker. I also faced my fears and wend to the meeting (even though it probably made things worse). And I was able to say no to K. I was able to tell him my true feelings.

It is actually progress, I think (at least I tried to face my problems), so why do I still feel so bad?