Dear Exur:

You are welcome. I re-read your original post and your second post. I want to quote you and comment:

“I know my parents want the best for me”- this man you are living with (your mother’s husband) wants what feels best for him, not what is best for you. What feels best for him is having power over you and over anyone else in his home and in his life.

“(I) have always given the respect my parents deserve”- this man does not deserve your respect (and I didn’t read anything that indicates that your mother deserves your respect).

“she (your mother) got pregnant with their 1st child so he took responsibility of it, as what he’d always want to stress  out”- he stresses it  out so to have power-over your mother and over you. I wonder if he sexually abused or is still abusing your half sibling who is 18 now, or any child who lives or visits the home.

“I will never let my mother know about it (the sexual abuse), it would be just too much for her to take”- you may be surprised. She may reject you, not him, if you told her what he did. She may already know, or suspect. Maybe she places money above all else, just like he does.

“He’s always been overprotective”- not when he availed himself to your body.

“I told my parents about it, my dad..”- time to  not refer to him as a dad. Once he sexually abused you the first time, he lost the title. Don’t you think?

“They (your mother and the man she married) were very judgmental and critical… I feel so judged.. He and my mother always think that we’ll go have sex somewhere… they judge me all the time”- he was not critical of his own behavior, didn’t judge it as bad behavior, did he. And your mother, did she ever express any criticism of her husband?

“It (your mother’s husband lifting up your shirt a few weeks ago) just turned me into that voiceless, terrified version of me 9 years ago.. I tried my best to pretend it didn’t happen”- I hope you don’t go back to pretending it didn’t happen. Because it did happen.

“I made stupid decision in the past” – and none of your stupid decisions justify this man’s sexual abuse of you and continuing to have power over you.

“I love my mother”- more than she loves you.

“I never considered suing (your mother’s husband)”- consider it, see a lawyer for consultation on the matter.

“he apologized and told me not to send him to the police because if that happens, he won’t be able to support us financially and I will lose a father”- I don’t think the police will do anything because you are an adult and there is no proof. This is why a civil action (suing him for financial compensation) makes more sense than a criminal action, if that is available where you live.

And again, I think he lost his title, dad or father.

“I know I have to get out here ASAP but I just don’t have the concrete steps yet”- plan the first concrete steps today and make it happen, today.  Your financial considerations, such as having just so much money in the bank, are not reasonable considerations in a situation where lack of your own money is used to harm your emotional/ physical health.

“it’s ridiculous how we walk past each other inside the house. I just wanna know what should I do about it, whether I should just be kind or continue ignoring it”- neither, leave ASAP.

anita