Dear Alexandria:

You shared before: “I grew up in a dysfunctional alcoholic family… it (sexual abuse by older children, family members) had started when I was very young and then on and off until I was 12… He (your boyfriend) asked why I didn’t tell anyone and so on. There is several reasons why I don’t choose to tell the members of my family… It started when I was 4 or 5.. my parents were still together so I was very young”.

For some reason or reasons you chose to not tell your mother about the sexual abuse during the whole 8 years it was taking place, on and off, and you still didn’t tell her or anyone else in your family (?)

Maybe you pay a high price for  your good relationship with your mother (“my mom and I have a good relationship”): you remaining quiet about that sexual abuse, and maybe about other things as well.

Maybe remaining quiet with your mother and with other family members brings you some calm at home, but outside your home, in other social situations, it brings you a lot of distress (“I have this worst anxiety socially, I feel like I can’t express or talk very well in groups”).

Maybe you want to be open too, like the brother’s girlfriend (“What sucks is she is a lot more of an open person than me”).

I don’t think you want to be open the ways she is open, but in your own ways. I think there are things that you need to say to your mother, maybe to your step father as well, at home, maybe elsewhere as well, to those family members who abused you.

When you finally do tell what you need to tell the people in your family, maybe then you will feel c0mfortable to express yourself elsewhere.

What do you think?

anita