Dear Cali Chica:

“a blame game…Who’s fault is it?…do I hate myself for this or do I hate the other person?…who should feel bad… Am I angry at myself for this or am I angry at the other person?”

“So from a young age I always look for fault, I always look for blame… in any given situation someone must feel bad!”.

These are two options: to lose (to suffer now) or to win (to feel good now). A third option would have been: let’s understand the situation and make the reasonable change or changes that need to be made so that both parties win (to feel better long term).

What you had at home was a choice between two options, not three. You were not even introduced to the third option. In your childhood home your mother was very motivated to win and she succeeded, a notorious winner.

Stuck with only these two options, you are either suffering or you are inflicting suffering on someone else.

“Blame is not the goal, hate is not the goal”- what is the goal then?

anita