Hi all,

I can’t sleep (and I don’t think I will tonight) so thought I’d give you all a brief update.

So today I witnessed someone die.

I am so shaken, for a few hours it didn’t quite register with me, I think maybe the adrenaline? My neighbour (family friend) who is currently living in the flat above us, her mum has been suffering with end stage pancreatic cancer for the past few months. Just two weeks ago she was told that there was nothing more than can be done for her and subsequently released to come home and be looked after by nurses at home just last week Friday. Her daughter, who is very close with my mum, is a single mother of two, she has been struggling to say the least with trying to maintain a job so she can keep a roof over her children’s head and food in their mouths and looking after her sick mother. I worked from home today so she asked if I could see to her mum every half hour or so to see if she needed anything, food, drink, to use the toilet or anything. So I did, just a few hours ago her mum exchanged what would be her last ever words with me. She was so drained, unable to eat or drink as she felt sick, but she thanked me, she thanked me for coming to see to her and check that she is okay. She looked so poorly, not like how I remember her at all. About 5:45pm this evening I got a call from my mum to run upstairs (to my family friends property) as they knew something was wrong with the lady. I was on and off on the phone to the hospital, all different departments, being placed on hold until I was finally told I need to call the ambulance but it was too late.. It was too late and she took her last breath in front of us. I cannot get the image out of my head. I just cant believe it was only a few hours ago I spoke with her.

I don’t know how to gather myself right now. Her family and children are in pieces, as are myself and my mum who witnessed the whole thing.

Not to mention my wonderful ex partner of mine decided to ignore everything that’s gone on today and go off to a lovely concert with his friends. I was so upset at this point that I had text him saying that I don’t even know why I am disappointed, when I have had a really really tough day and witnessed something I wouldn’t wish on anyone, I just don’t know why I expected for him to say ‘Hun, I know I had this planned but do you need me right now? It’s been a lot to take in today’. Nope, instead he went to his concert, ignored my text the whole night and then decided to reach out to me once it was done to start an argument with me. Honestly at this point I don’t know whether to laugh or cry. I don’t know if my emotions are all over the place right now or whether he is indeed being out of order.

I feel this experience has opened my eyes to a lot of things. Particularly that life is so short and can be taken from us at any moment. So tell those that you love just how much you love them. Spend time with those who truly matter to you. Pay close attention to your friends and family, give them the gift of your time, attention and love. Cherish every moment with all of your loved ones.

P.S I promise to catch up on all of your recent posts and reply properly, as soon as I have a little more energy.