Dear Anita,

In your childhood, it was you, not your mother, who was the fragile puppy. When your empathy is with the real fragile puppy in the context of your mother- yourself, that empathy, redirected, will empower your individual voice of reason

I read your post, both of them, twice.  And this quote above sticks out the most.

I do not have empathy for the fragile puppy – myself.  I may/may not see my mother as fragile anymore.  But what is more important – is that I do NOT see myself as fragile.

In a way, because I have become “hardened” and lack some of that softness we speak about – I don’t see myself as fragile at all – but instead, hard, harsh, angry, stern, severe – to name a few terms.  none of these terms allow for patience for a fragile wounded puppy – do they?

I am not sure if I have empathy for her anymore to be quite honest, I know  I did for a very long time of course.  I don’t feel this way actively, but perhaps because I have been ingrained this way it remains somewhere. What I do know is that whether I do or don’t, as above, that empathy is definitely not for myself.

I notice how I often berate my own self, and notice that – like our previous thread, there is often the blame game.

The blame game does not exist in a place where you have kindness and empathy.  As I spoke in that conversation, the goal of that game is to create hate, to assign guilt and blame.  If I truly had empathy for myself, I wouldn’t so quickly seek a way to berate and “punish” myself/thought processes.

I see that these concepts are related, and I am piecing it together. I am human, I am allowed to err, and grow, to be fragile (especially after being beaten down by a vicious wolf my whole life).

I notice also that because I have been cruel and attacking to my husband – that is a MAJOR reason why I do not see myself as a fragile puppy – or have empathy for myself.  This is a key point, perhaps we can speak more about this after you reply.

• This reply was modified 5 years, 8 months ago by Cali Chica.