Hey Shelby.

Well not knowing is better than an outright no in some ways, though obviously an outright no would have set you free from wondering. Sounds like his standard operation is to run away from things that scare/challenge him, not an ideal trait for a life-term partner, bit like Mr A2… Do you happen to know why he finds the idea scary – is it the commitment required or the changes he envisions the lifestyle changes would bring. I wouldn’t be surprised if he sees living with you/having a child as a potential huge restriction on his current freedom. I’m guessing you may have an in-built expectation in your dream of your future life that he would change, spend more/most of his time at home with you and your family which he has probably picked up on.  Do you think you would be happy living together & with your child if he still left to go on multiple trips/support his family etc. It may help reduce his fear if you can describe together a positive view of how you could be together and he still has his freedom when needed.

I understand not wanting to give up on the dream, on the potential. But in all honesty, I think the interesting question for you is thinking about how long do you wait. How long do you continue to hope, to go round these circles with him, hoping for him to be ready??  Is there a limit at all or do you hold on until the end of your life? Do you think you’d still be ok that it was the best choice for your life??

I’m not saying at all you need to choose to give him up now, not at all, always your choice and I understand that holding on to that hope is better for you right now than facing your fears you may end up alone.  But it may be worth thinking about how much of your life you are prepared to give up whilst you do hang on in hope and see how it goes. I guess at some point realistically the waiting will be too long for a biological child yourself, so do you see yourself still waiting and adopting if/when he decides he is ready? Or is staying childless and hopefully being with him going to be ok with you you think? I guess what I’m thinking is that when I’ve been in tough or scary circumstances I’ve given it a time limit to improve or for me to adjust – and if nothing has changed that’s when I’ll know it’s time to move on, having given it my absolute best.  How much more of your life do you think you want to invest in this particular path?

See – I’m rambling now! I forgot to say, it’s Granada in south Spain, not the Caribbean – but maybe some time! I have trekked round Equador and if it’s anything to go by I can imagine how stunning your man’s photo’s are, it was an awesome place. Is he doing Machu Pichu?  It was actually our first ever house-sit, something you could think about doing in Aus/NZ if interested as it’s very popular there – free accommodation in return for looking after someone’s place and often their pets. Win/win!