Dear Cali Chica:

I think we can pause the exercise at any time and do some analysis, being flexible this way.

I was thinking about the dinner table, how your father was angry at you, and your mother’s response was not to comfort you but to use the opportunity to blame him and in so doing, to cement her position as victim. Once again, it was all about her and the young CC was left alone. So very alone.

“I don’t think I can do anything”, you wrote, to change the situation. “I see that from a young age I felt..that it is how it is and it’s not CONTROLLABLE”. I am inclined to think that in between those moments of heavy despair, you did try to change the situation. Maybe you forgot your efforts of so long ago, and what you remembered today is the despair.

A child cannot endure such despair for long, if she can’t do anything she dreams that she can, she makes believe, she daydreams. Do you remember daydreaming then, as a child, and what you daydreamed about?

anita