Hi, Michelle,

You know, after the breakup, after lots of reading and taking my time, I slowly started to feel that my cup was filling up again and I didn’t mind giving my listening ear and time to people who needed it and who, as I felt, could benefit from it. In the past, I read about filling one’s cup first figuratively speaking, but didn’t feel that mine was and didn’t know what it felt like when it is. Well, now I know, so I think I understand where you are coming from and I can only say thank you.

Yet, I am afraid that mine is such a tangled mess of thoughts, feelings, and past experiences that, although I do long for somebody to help me make head or tail of it, I know that it is very hard work. I also know that my tendency to analyse, overanalyse and overthink (all of which subsequently is poured out in writing) doesn’t help the matter in the least.

I would be thrilled if you could offer your insight and tell me what you think is going on with me. I started a thread two years ago, but Matt, the person with whom I had a most interesting exchange (also useful because he was a man) and who seemed to not mind my lengthy paragraphs left the discussion hanging. Still, it helped a lot also by putting literally everything I had to say in writing – got it all out with a sigh of relief. In the end, I got tired of rehashing that unhealthy relationship and the breakup, reached the bottom and began to recover in earnest.

I also posted some things on the thread that Matt had started and on Shelby’s, Shelby’s was already two years after that. My progress so to speak. I can say though that all the facts and thoughts and ideas on those threads are still valid and applicable. Me today wouldn’t have anything to strike out or change – and if to add, then to add small bits like that I seem to be moving away from liking 100% unavailable men to men who seem to be slightly more available, at least on the surface (no partner).

Maybe, there is ultimately nothing wrong with me. Maybe I am indeed on my way to full recovery and meeting the right person is just a matter of time. Sort of if I go through a hundred men, I am bound to meet the one. 😉

It just feels that I meet so few men whom I like and who like me to stay long enough that if it continues like that, I’ll be in my fifties and still looking.

I believe what I am trying to say is that I would more than gladly listen and absorb what you might have to say, but for that, I am afraid, you might need to know the whole story – on those threads – but that story is so long and cumbersome that I don’t want to push it onto you unless you don’t mind and have time.

You can click on my name and look through my posts – you’ll see how long and convoluted they are, but I can still sign under each one of them!

I have more to write in response to your comments more specific to my concrete situation (who would have doubted?!?), but I guess I’ll wait for your reply before I proceed.