Dear Cali Chica:

Definitely a disassociation, of course. No living thing chooses to feel pain. Avoiding pain, physical/ emotional is an instinct fundamental to all animals.

I suppose the brain, the organism feels that the pain will take over and be too much to bear. This is why this kind of work is best attempted in quality psychotherapy with a capable, empathetic and dedicated therapist.

I am okay still doing the exercise because I trust that instinct, to not feel pain, and I figure that our exercise cannot possibly undo this instinct. We can resume  if you want, if you are in the mood for it.

Let me know and if you want I will start asking you questions.

anita