To Anita,

I defiantly demanded it to much so I’m not sure if that’s what lead him to being more selfish about it. I also think that he didn’t do enough if I didn’t ask so it made me more demanding. So for example some of the things I would ask him to do what be like to stay the night whilst my parents where away because at that point in my life I felt scared but my parents didn’t know that. Or I would ask him to pick me up from places because I didn’t want to get an Uber alone. Or if I got lost I would call him to help me with directions.

If he didn’t do what I asked I would just tell him that I felt unsafe though and I was confused as to why he wouldn’t want to look after me in that way. I would also at times get quiet sad about it. He would raise his voice in response and would say things like “I can’t drop my life for you”, “I can’t stay over I need to be home to help at home”, “Nothing is every good enough for you” , “Why can’t your brother pick you up”.  He was only 19 so I don’t think he knew how to handle the situation so it just made it worse. I understand now that it was my parents that put the fear into me rather then me actually feeling scared. Also living in society issues like people approaching me have happened when I was underage that also put this fear into me that I wasn’t safe alone but, I now choose to look at it that I need to be aware of my surrounds at all times.

Yes I am hoping that I can enjoy having someone doing things for me that make me feel looked after. I think you pointing out that I would be looked at as a women and not a baby has helped me to see that this is where the care will come from. So I am hoping that this means I can enjoy moments of care without the expectation/ demand for it.

Jess