Dear CJ,

Is it absolutely and for sure you have found your birth mother, because I’ve read of several cases where the DNA results alone could only point to first and second cousins… and only from there, these people found their genetic parents. Have you double checked with a different company?

Even if this is 100% certain, I also think that what Anita and Mark have said is absolutely right. They have no claim on you, and it sounds like they are simply trying to use you. I’ve never heard the like! Frankly, I wouldn’t give people who wanted from you what they seem to want from you a moment more of my time. You would only dig yourself into a deeper hole if you tried to give them an explanation, because then you open up more lines of communication with them, which would lead to further harassment and persuasion. I think you were right to ghost them, and in your position I would have done exactly the same thing.

I have also been a carer for both of my parents in the past. It leaves a big gap in your life when they are gone, or someone else has to care for them because you can no longer do the job, as happened to me. For a long time, your adoptive parents took your life away from you and you had to live theirs, whether out of a sense of duty or simply because that was the way it had to be.

You are free now to live your own life. It takes some time to get out of that role of caregiving. And you deserve a life!

Don’t be seduced back into that role for one moment with this ‘newly found’ family. Like Anita and Mark have said, they are not only opportunists, but toxic. Decent people wouldn’t ask that of anyone! You say there is something there that is making you feel uncomfortable, listen to that inner voice. It’s your inbuilt intuition and gut instinct for avoiding danger that is telling you there is something wrong there.

Give yourself permission to live your own life – love your immediate family – your children, your husband –  go out, make friends, go to social events, join a club, take up a new hobby. Live your life for yourself now.

with best wishes

Jay