Hi Anita.

Hope you are well. I am sitting home, finally! With a glass of wine. Pondering life as usual. I just wanted to thank you again. For giving me great advice and much to think about.

It’s funny you say you dreamed of giving your mother everything. I did the same thing. It eats me up that I wasn’t ever able to give it to her. I loved her so much. She was my best friend and enemy. That is what we would say. Lately I have been sad. Thinking of her and just missing her and her voice. Wondering if the pain will ever go away. I’m curious if you have spoken to your mom at all? I know in the past you said you have chosen no contact.

So true, this time I have to live my own life. And I am. I am surprised at myself how focused I am and determined to live a life I enjoy. It’s just scary when you don’t really know what you want out of life. Life was my family and then I got with my ex and life was him. Hard finding a life without both of these things. Sometimes still shocks me that this is the case. I cannot believe my life has changed so much in just 7 months. It was turned upside down. So unfair to me. I do want to own a home but am scared what will happen once I take the leap. It seems to be my main focus. Saving. What will happen once I did it. Where is my life heading. What do I do? Where do I go. It’s always been a thought to go to Florida again. But afraid to go back to where I was.  So much pain there. But so much pain here too. I still feel like I need family but honestly don’t believe I can do another year in the cold. But do not just want to go somewhere I know nothing about. I do not like that idea. That is why I thought of where I was in Florida.

It scares me when you say ”

Live your own life then. Make yourself happy best you can, and if it is not intense happiness, be it. Less intense happiness long term may be good enough and the best you can have”

I want that intense happiness someday. But am scared of it?