Dear IpkRO9:

Regarding your most recent post:

“I wanted to keep a normal pace… I had agreed to taking time to know him better and then deciding for myself”- is an excellent plan.

“my guy wanted to discuss things with parents and my sister and so to hastened things”- if he does that after you clearly communicate to him the above, then he is being disrespectful, not taking your plan seriously. He can break up with you if he doesn’t like your plan, but he shouldn’t stay with you and ignore your plan!

“they (parents) will see me as someone who rushes into relationships… this fear of not wanting to create a bad image in my parents’ eyes.. was making me lose my mind”- it so happens that you shouldn’t rush into relationships, so you and your parents are in agreement in this regard, so back to it being an excellent plan to take your time.

“going to war with my parents will emotionally tire me out”- an excellent plan then to not go to war with anyone. And there is no need to go to war about marrying a man you are not yet planning to marry!

“there is nothing that I should do if I don’t want to do it.. not to do anything unless I really wanted to”- in this context, it is correct- you shouldn’t rush, you shouldn’t tell your parents anything that they don’t have the right to know, nor you should tell your sister anything (she has no right to know anything about you, not at all!).

“definitely not fighting with anyone unless I really wanted to”- don’t fight with your boyfriend, this man you are getting to know. It tires him, it is not right that you do that. No need to fight. Be assertive, not aggressive.

One more thing: reject your mother’s instruction that you listen to your sister, end any and all loyalty to your sister and her lack of values. Be loyal to honesty, effective communication, assertiveness, kindness.

anita