Dear Javairia:

As a child you witnessed your father fighting and shouting at your mother, but you also witnessed your mother arguing, shouting and fighting with your father in front of her young children, again and again and again. And then she attempted suicide, or pretended to attempt suicide in front of you when you were six.

“With time my elder brothers grew up without any ‘father guidance'”- yes, and they grew up with an aggressive mother who argued a lot, shouted a lot, fought in front of your brothers without consideration of her children, of how those fights were damaging her young children.

I wonder if she fought with your father while you were sick with those fevers you mentioned?

I think that it is most important that you do talk to that guidance counselor at your school. Maybe it is possible for you to live elsewhere, away from your mother and siblings, for the next two years before you become legally an adult.

When you live away, in a place that is supervised and is safe from ongoing or the strong memory of those fights and aggression, then quality psychotherapy will help you a whole lot.

You wrote in your second post that “children are the best imitators”- you referred to your mother’s low self esteem. Did you or do you imitate her aggression as well, shouting and fighting and all that?

anita