Dear Cali Chica:

“when I was young, my mom would play victim and I would play the ‘adult’ role… she would exclaim: ‘you are NOT MY MOTHER who do YOU think you are… go look in the mirror”-

– you were a child and you saw your mother as a hurt child, so you tried to help her and she attacked you. You tried to help her. She didn’t say thank you. She attacked you.

Your father said regarding your husband: “oh we would never let her marry someone like him if it wasn’t for her age- because of her age I guess that she has to settle for what she can get”- so your father sort of sent you to this marriage with his special blessing, the message that you are marrying someone inferior.

This is probably part of the reason you did feel that your husband is an inferior choice, too short for once, you shared earlier. And part of the reason you treated him as a less-than.

Your father belittled your husband and you (“my father talked to me and belittled me as a young child”).

… When you tried to help your mother, that was a loving act on your part, one coming from the soft part of you. When she responded by attacking you, she hit you right in that soft part. It hurts the most to be hit where it is soft.

anita