Dear Julia:

When this “sort of relationship” was over, you became “an emotional whack” and you asked for help, “Please help me” (from your previous thread). You wrote in that thread: “I told him I was perfectly ok with just sex”. If all this sort of relationship was indeed sex, would you be an emotional whack and urging someone to help you, if all you were missing since he broke up with you is.. solely sex?

“We talked about it openly… Somehow these talks made me feel something for him”, you wrote there. In this thread, you shared more: “As we were falling asleep that night he said he knew I ‘was falling for him’… I didn’t want to come off as too strong in admitting my feelings… I didn’t know if I had them”

Later, you wrote: “I felt something… something changed between us. I think I was jealous… I also told him that I felt he was projecting his feelings onto me”. Later he told you that the person he hooked up on a trip while being in that sort of relationship with you, “felt more right”. Later you had sex and the next morning he wanted to end this sort of relationship with you. You asked him to be friends-with-benefits and he said No, “because he didn’t want me to attach”.

Reads to me that he did feel attached to you, so he did project his attachment to you, except that his projection was accurate, you did feel attached to him, beyond sex.

I think that he is not interested in a monogamous love relationship. I think that you are. From your words, I was able to see that you are indeed attached to him, having fallen in love with him, somewhat. If I could tell and if he is minimally perceptive and having been present with you, he was able to see it himself.

anita