Michelle / Anita,

You are right, I am very attached to him emotionally.

I have never had much support from my family and had been struggling and had built walls for years (since I left home at 17).  So he’s been the only person able to break these walls, and now I feel like my emotions overflow.

I should take this time to practice being okay, I agree.

I seem to keep failing though.

I have 2 jobs and I work 6 days a week. I don’t have so much free time.

My plan was to study for TOEFL on the free time I have, but I always end up not doing anything because I’m depressed. 

I feel like I am doing that, I’m wasting all the time we have to talk, complaining and trying to make myself feel better.

That seems so selfish of me… I always get caught up in the moment and sometimes I get even more stressed because his internet connection is so bad that we can’t video call or even call sometimes.

The reason I don’t go there is that he is on MSG program of the military. 

Basically his job is his priority at all times during this contract. I wouldn’t be able to stay or spend much time with him and he wouldn’t be able to stay in a different place with me either, especially being in a more dangerous country. 

I’m going to try my best to follow your advice otherwise I will only make things worse.

I hope I can try and focus more on studying for the English test I want to take.

He is working on getting the refunds for those things, I really hope he does so it doesn’t ruin our vacation when we actually get one.

Things I cannot change:

– His leave getting cancel is out of our control

– it might take a few months more to see each other

Things I can change:

– my perspective on these situations

– remember how lucky I am to have him dealing with all my depression and worries and never giving up on us

– be more considerate of his feelings and not only focus on mine

Do you have any other items to my list or how I tips on how I can actually achieve them?

Thank you again, it means a lot.

Camila