Dear Anita,

I look forward to your notes about interpersonal skills, I’ve benefited very much from doing a workshop yesterday, sitting down and doing homework, writing things out. After I got off the computer with you, I read out loud to my husband to everything that I wrote down. It ignited a lot of conversation for two hours. It was so very productive, like our first couples therapy session without the therapist. Igniting productive conversation. It is the real work. For me solo and for him and I together. I look forward to doing more workshops like that, doing the homework solo, and some together.

Interesting that our topic today is rushing. Today, is a Friday, when I usually work with that mean lady. She is thankfully on vacation. At least the universe had my back given that I had a tough week, to work with her would’ve been very depleting. That goes without being said. But the point of the matter is that luckily I was able to leave work early today, in fact I am actually walking out of the door as we speak. It’s funny because the first thing that I thought about was that I shouldn’t be typing while walking, but I did want to get some thoughts out to you. Rushing is exactly this multitasking. So as we speak I’m currently sitting in a park adjacent to where I work, and writing to you. Focusing only on one task, thinking and writing.

Rushing is innate. I thought about the concept again, of myself at this  dinner table. Great visual. I thought about something a little bit different today. It’s not about just the role. You are right and we talk about Roles a lot, and assigning of roles. It has become my understanding that my identity is this a role of being super and rushed. Like saying I am super Type A go go go. Like a personality trait. But I noticed that it’s different than a personality trait.

90 percent of my issues would go away if I stopped rushing. This is not just rushing as in physical rushing walking fast doing things fast trying to multitask cooking three things at once instead of focusing on one. It’s Also the washing of speech, not thinking before I am speaking. Over engaging as a nature without asking myself do I actually want to be a part of this conversation. Habit, habit, habit.

Let’s take the example from London, this cousin was very rude to me yes for sure. That’s a fact. But let’s rewind, my husband and I spoke about this last night. I was over engaging with her. I don’t know this person inside and out like my own sister, yet I was giving her the attention and trust of someone I deeply know, so when I quickly became burnt by her I was very sad and hurt and disappointed. A wise and mature person would take their time and tread carefully with a person before jumping right in. Having boundaries, not rushing into caring about someone or trusting them, or believing that you actually know who they are.  My sister used to have this problem often growing up as she was very desperate to make friends so she would believe herself to be best friends with someone where earlier than was healthy.

Well, I see she’s not the only one, for example with this cousin when she brought up these topics about this guy visiting while we were all at this wedding, I could have thought about the concept before speaking instead of jumping into it to make sure that she felt secure and better about it. Who am I to make her feel secure and better about this when in fact her decision was foolish. I’m not her therapist or psychiatrist trying to call her deepest insecurities and fears. Of course this goes back to roles, and the idea that I was my mother’s therapist and psychiatrist so to speak so I don’t have the off switch for this when it comes to even people that I don’t know so well. But I don’t want to digress from our topic, rushing. I rushed into being a supporter for her during this scenario in London. I rushed into being her confidant for this. I rushed into giving her advice. If I had stayed more emotionally reserved and detached from her own personal scenario, I may not have also been in the Spitfire when her insecurities came. Husband was mentioning this today morning actually and he is absolutely right. It has nothing to do with whether she was right or wrong, clearly she was in the wrong. But I rushed myself into her lap almost!

Rushed into her lap so that she could poke and prod at me. Then I am disappointed and sad that someone that I thought was close to me and kind would treat me this way. Foolish!

So rushing leads to all sorts of issues

• This reply was modified 5 years, 4 months ago by Cali Chica.