Dear Anita,

It made me smile when you wrote “humble like him” as though you know him.  I loved that, because in fact it is spot on, and I did struggle with this yesterday.  At first powering over his input, or interrupting.

Then realizing the point of sharing isnt just for the sake of it – but to listen…

You also typed out the couples therapy prompts with the four columns of: I want/need  — how is this need me

That is another one I want us to work on.  I will find more as well.

As far as seeking professional help, it helps so many people – and it is worth a try.  Yes It could be quite frustrating to spend  loads of money without feeling satisfied.  But if you dont know it by now, I am not a very patient person – so I don’t see this trajectory.  Yet, I must be patient enough to give the therapy and person a decent chance…and have an open attitude when walking in.

So at this moment, I am at home, sitting on my couch typing to you.  What a luxury! To be home in the middle of the day, comfortable and to be able to write openly and freely. No need to rush, nothing pending.  No plan, no person, no patient, nada.

This is essentially what non rushing is all about..  Yet, we can’t always have these scenarios, being home, comfortable nothing pending.  Yes for the time being I want to enforce this, by keeping life simple but it isn’t a solution for the issue.

Non rushing will mean that in every scenario to take the “re” out of the action like you stated.

I thought about this on the subway, and thought about how I thrived yesterday doing the HW.  So I approached rushing systematically as well and not just intellectually, whatever language comes

Wake Up:

Rush to jump out of bed, dont make the bed, feel immediately pushed, ah – no time to make the bed or do anything.  Take a quick shower, so quick that its easy to forget if I even showered.  Put on clothes quickly and rush out the door with a granola bar.  Or if I have to take the dog out, take him down the elevator out and back as quick as possible.  Chop chop.

Walk briskly to the subway, heck even run sometimes if I am running late.  Wait for subway, annoyed that the next one isnt here yet.  Get on to the cramped subway, so early in the morning all commuters, sandwiched like sardines, breathing in the scent of others.  Getting pushed around  by backpacks.  Alas, someone gets up I have a seat! I put on my headphones.  I either listen to music or listen to a podcast or watch a mindless episode of TV.  Often listening to music and typing/journaling are the go to for the next 15 – 20 mins.  That is a nice time.

Okay off the subway – chop chop. I take a deep breath and enjoy getting off the subway downtown seeing the beautiful Brooklyn bridge and one of my favorite buildings.  but quickly rush to work.  Walk into the building, change into scrubs if I have to and ta da! Ready.  Go grab a coffee from the staff room and time to go!

Work: work is naturally “rushed.” Well no I take that back, I can’t attribute it all to the fast paced nature of my job.

No I can’t attribute all of frenzy at work to the fast paced nature of the job.   I in fact create half of this rush. I am known at work as one of the most efficient doctors that has ever worked there. Not because I was seeking out this title, it naturally became known very quickly after I moved there, started work. I despise inefficiency. So often even when I can feel that last rush, I will find a way to move things along even faster. I create this frenzy in me. Let’s say there is a few minutes between a patient I could easily go sit in the staff room and get an extra tea or something, but instead I will do the work that would be needed to move the fishing along faster. I’m not necessarily rushing the PATIENT.  I am rushing myself

I don’t have a load more to say about the work aspect, when it comes to work I turn into autopilot. But what is important will be next.

I am so frenzied to make it home, I literally run out of work. It is like I am so happy to be able to go home that I don’t even take a second to collect my thoughts. I am rushing out the door leaving the dust behind me. The commute home is less frenzied then in the morning it is less sandwich sardines given that the time I go home varies depending on the day. Here’s the thing, having the freedom to go home after a long day isn’t really relevant if your brain is still stuck in a rushed State. Yes it is hard to have an off switch when you have had to be so efficient at work, and turn into mrs. relax mode. But that’s not exactly what I’m asking for, I noticed today, I left work early. I noticed how I was multitasking and typing and walking. Something that is often a big pet peeve of mine when people do not look up when they’re walking on the streets of New York. Here I was doing the same thing. I felt this rush to get home as soon as possible. Why? Do I have to pick up a child from daycare? No. Do I have to rush home because my dog is extremely upset that I am out and have not fed him? No. Do I have to rush home because my husband is sitting there waiting for me? No. There is absolutely no reason to rush home. In fact if I actually went home in a more composed relaxed way,  it would be much better.

That one month ago when we were talking about all of that divorce stuff. It was during this time that I sat in the same park. I sat there for hours. I talked to you and we talked everything out. By the time I was home, my husband was already home. Luckily I had cleared my head before walking in the door so that I could approach him with clarity.

No, I cannot stay out every single day for hours walking around trying to gain Clarity. Yet the rushing has got to go – the rushing is even more detrimental to my husband given that he sees the brunt of it, the lashing out.

<After work it depends on the day, sometimes I am making some food for dinner, sometimes we are ordering in or going somewhere. Often  I am going to the gym for some sort of class, sometimes my husband and I go together. Regardless, one thing is for sure I feel spent and exhausted. Nice recipe for lashing out I am rushing, spent and exhausted.

• This reply was modified 5 years, 4 months ago by Cali Chica.