Appletree123,

Good for you for taking the effort, time and courage to help yourself by getting into a new hobby, getting on medication, volunteering and helping others.

I wonder what you are getting from your therapy? What you are going through sounds a lot deeper than your guilt in having an affair. There is a real self-loathing. You don’t feel worthy. I assume that your boyfriend has forgiven you (even though it sounds like you went with this other guy while you and your bf were separated?). Regardless, you seem to have a real self-loathing which pushed you into this deep depression. I wonder why you stopped taking medication for that.

Regardless, it sounds that you have some deep, core issues with self-love and being loved. Your mention of not being close to your family indicates that. I would work on that with your therapist. Self love is a biggie. The “affair” is a side effect of not loving yourself.

Mark