I fully accept that I am turning into a complete arsehole. I never claimed to be anything different. I used to be a nice person many years ago. You would see me in photos and I was always happy and smiling. Then, in 2006 I entered what turned out to be a decade of absolute hell and my character changed. I tried to stop myself becoming an arsehole but the misery and suffering was unremitting. I felt that life was victimising me and it made me hard and bitter. Today I fell out with my mother over something that was very trivial but which was exacerbated by underlying bitterness and frustration at my rapidly deteriorating health. I am indeed an arsehole.

@rideeta: I try to distract myself all the time. I play the harp, write poetry, paint and compose music. My poor health is slowly destroying all these things. When chronic pain is at its worst, the pain signals that are sent to your brain results in a ‘brain fog’ which makes concentration very difficult. All I have left to express is anger.