Dear Anita,

Thank you for taking the time to read all of my posts.  I am glad you were able to sum down your comments to a few lines, as I did not want you to spend too much energy this morning on my posts.

I guess I misworded it, I do not mean to say I think I am bubbly and friendly, or happy go lucky.  But I am a people person.  To the point that not being one would not be myself.  I function well in groups, and do well with socializing.  It feels natural to me.

I think the over socializing is the role I took on as SCC, the role given to me.  But regardless sociability and gregariousness is innate.  You are right I am not happy go lucky.  In fact I believe I am sensible and thought out and perhaps hardened.  Which is seemingly opposite.

It is hard to explain what I am saying to you unless you have met me in person, the type of vibe I give off as a person.  And, how that has harmed me of recent, as being too naive and “letting my hair down” with people who truly didn’t deserve that.  I learned a lot.

I personally don’t think that being open and outward necessarily equates to contentment and joy.  I think this because I see myself being open time and again, but continuing to get burnt – and finding the opposite of contentment.  It isn’t that I am not open, it is that being too open can lead to the opposite of contentment and joy.  Too open can go into the category of seeking, and straying away from inner circle.

I have always observed women who tend to me more smug and self oriented.  Admiring their ability to do so to a point, but not necessarily wanting to be that way – just observing.  I see from the outside that if they were too open, they would make themselves vulnerable to injury.  Just as I did with the cousin S.

I think that I am learning a good balance between giving up the role of SCC, and not acting out of guilt.  I thought of also how perhaps I over-glamourized how great my husband’s family is, since mine was so dysfunctional.  And perhaps was naive to over trust too quickly.  Each family has rifts and distances, and even if 8 cousins are great, there may be some bad eggs.  There may be a lot of bad eggs.  I am surprised with myself for not expecting this – as I don’t consider myself an innocent and naive person.  But perhaps I was thrown off, and perhaps I am naive and hopeful deep down.

Regardless, our talks yesterday helped me a lot.  Thank you very much.

oh and of note, the mean lady and I are working very well together today.  That assertive “code of conduct” I followed on Tuesday by having the intervention with her has led to a great outcome.  Congratulations to me!