Hi guys!

Help! Who knew changing one thing makes everything else change?!!! I’m finding it super overwhelming lately with the upheaval in my life. Not bad necessarily, just overwhelming!

I thought I’d have a few chill weeks before my trip to organise, but it’s been hectic. People wanting to meet and catch up, family commitments, new social invitations! I’ve really been pushing myself out of my comfort zone. I also went away for a couple of days with my Dad as he needed a break and was unlikely to go alone. So needless to say, it’s been non-stop! I also worked a day for a friend for his company as he was stuck!

The change train is in motion and it just seems to be gathering momentum. It’s a bit scary, I suppose I’m wondering, distraction aside, if it will ultimately make me happy. I find I still miss my ex so much and think about him daily. I’ve been hanging out with that guy from a few posts back. As friends. It’s been nice to get to know new people. But that’s all I’m able for.

Im apprehensive about my travel as this weekend I seem to have an upset tummy again. I don’t know if I’ve caught a bug or my diet while on holidays is causing the friction but it’s worrying me, which of course becomes a vicious cycle!

Kkasxo,

You know what you want. I’d say you know what he wants. Are your values and goals aligned? That’s what it comes down to? I’m not going to lie, more than one person commented in the past about me ‘accidentally’ to fall pregnant. They remarked that sometimes men need a push. I too felt that my ex is a good man and while petrified, would make a good dad. But I could and would never do that. It felt wrong to me, to place someone in a circumstance they weren’t ready for and didn’t ask for. I loved my ex enough to understand he never should be put in a situation where he was forced to be there. I always wanted him to come freely to the table, because I think that’s what makes a loving and lasting relationship. Both people decide to come to the table freely, to want the same things, to work together and support each other through thick and thin to achieve shared goals. I didn’t have that with my ex. He wasn’t ready. Maybe never will be. And that’s so so so sad and heartbreaking because what I saw in him was……beautiful. But he couldn’t see that just yet, and maybe never will so what i imagined could not be.

You have time, yes. But don’t waste too much of it, or you could end up like me! The wrong side of 35! Listen to whatever the voice within, deep down is telling you. Show up for yourself and look after you xx