Dear Sadiya:

You and your husband have no  savings and he doesn’t have a stable income. Not having a stable income means that he is not a great financial resource,  correct?

And the financial advantage of staying married to him is that the two of you have one home and if separated the two of you  will need two homes, an extra set of expenses. Did I understand correctly so far?

Also, the two of you live as roommates, not having a sexual relationship, staying in separate bedrooms perhaps?

I am asking these questions because I want to understand better and maybe, just maybe help you somewhat,  somehow, with some clarity, bringing to the surface the full picture of the reality of your situation.

You wrote about your husband: “The last time we started to have a disagreement he covered his ears and started making noises in order not to listen to me”- unless you nag him a lot, argue with him repeatedly, and he is therefore understandably frustrated, him covering his ears and making noises is so very rude. Which one is it- you nagging or him being incredibly rude to you?

You wrote about the man you had an affair with: “I never knew if he really cared about me of if he was  just having fun. It was always so hard to make plans  with him. He would never commit to an actual day. Whenever I asked about setting a time  to get together, he would say, ‘How about now?’, even though I kept telling him I  needed some advance notice”- reads like he was disrespectful to you and  inconsiderate of you. It also reads like he was either married or in a relationship with another woman, maybe having children and therefore unable to make plans with you in advance. Also  he wanted to take you to hotels, not to his own place- maybe because he had a partner or wife and children in… his own place.

If you didn’t meet in hotels, I wonder where it is that you got together.

anita