Dear Anita,

Good afternoon/morning.

I had a good beginning of this week.  Yesterday my friend S was in town – the one having that wedding next year with the overpriced hotel – she is my best friend from college.  She is also the person my parents called a few months back if you recall and asked “how I was doing.”

I spent the evening with her and my sister.  It was fun to hear about her wedding plans peripherally, and not too much detail or too much involvement on my end.  We had some good laughs and discussed some memories, girl time.

My husband met up with my sister and I a little later for dinner.  My sister asked him about his job, etc – and he opened up to her a lot about the infrastructure at work – how there’s little respect, terrible organization, etc etc.

I bring this up because I was listening to him talking about it very openly – without diminishing the bad for once, to someone else.  I was a listener.

It is the natural state of my husband to say things are fine, or not to complain.  But yesterday, he did not complain, but he definitely was honest about how bad things are, and how much burn out.

It really left me with a deep sad feeling, late into that night, poor sleep, and throughout this day.  A sad, deep heavy aching feeling.

The reason I am writing about this is that, I know a lot of the heaviness I feel is because of his suffering.  I walked outside for 20 mins earlier.  Seeing Wall street people having lunch in the sun, smiling laughing.  Getting a moment to get a break and catch fresh air -be human.  And I thought about how my husband does not get this chance, and it is not that it is unfair – it is just not human.  It is not human.

I know we have been through this topic.  And I do have hope that we will find a better opportunity for him elsewhere.  But it is heavy – and I wanted to make a note of that today.

It isn’t a blame thing, or a definition of why there is heaviness.  As of course what I deal with is predominantly trauma, and this heaviness is one part of it.  Its just tiring and heavy.  I do hope for some resolution soon.

Besides that all is well.  I feel more fatigued than usual today, a tired and achey feeling.  Perhaps if I have the energy later I will try to go to a gentle yoga class – stretching always helps.