The way that did work for me is to start life every day no matter how rough and unprepared I feel:  think of the next step after taking the first instead of staying in place thinking of all the steps all at once (in that “sooooo obsessive and methodical” way).

Yes. Sometimes I feel I’m too slow in developing or it sicks me that I’m still prisoner of toxic habits and patterns somehow but now I’m accepting it a lot better. Before, I couldn’t accept not doing things successfully and immediately now I realize it was freaking unnatural. It wasn’t true development of self, it was an act. An act put on by myself for myself. Now I realize and accept that I do have an addiction to pulling my hair, wandering aimlessly with nonsensical racing thoughts and daydreams and that being in social environments make me feel shit with myself, and addictions just don’t simply go away.