Dear anita,

during the last weeks I did not hit myself again. But I still am feeling very anxious and am ashamed of my behaviour last year. I wish I would have confronted problems and talked to people, instead of hiding. And I also wish that I wouldn’t have taken such small things so personally.

But it is a good thing I moved out, because every little thing there scared me and I didn’t know how to react to people anymore. I didn’t know anymore, if I should say hello or not and how to behave. I felt more and more problematic and every little thing seemed to be a sign that they thought that I am a thief or difficult…

For example, the girl that ignored me attached the price tag of her new (expensive) shoes to her name plate, or she left her phone on the community corridor, but her door was open and it was plugged in at her own room. Such little things made me feel nervous, but there is probably a logical explanation to all of this. I think I went very crazy  and now I feel so ashamed. I want to learn to not take things personally!! And even if they thought badly of me, then it would be better for me to not think so much about it and do more productive things.

But I think it is going better in my new living situation. I even started to prepare my own food in the kitchen (instead of in my room) and sometimes eat there too, which I both never did in the dormitory. Maybe the dormitory is not for me and it is better for me to live with only few people instead of fifteen and people moving in and out constantly, bringing friends and family and lots of different people to get used to.

My new roommates are friendly and sometimes I talked to them when n the kitchen and I feel o.K. More like a normal person. Maybe we will even cook something together and they offered me to help paint my room. I feel like I am o.K. and not like some crazy lunatic!

Tomorrow I will also go to one of my friends cooking-get-togethers. Maybe it will be o.K., since there is an activity involved and then talking to people will be easier and less awkward. And this weekend I also am going to meet another friend to visit a festival.

And I also want to focus on my studies and not get distracted anymore! Last year I behaved like a person that I don’t want to be, but from now on, I hope I can slowly make progress!