Yes i hear you. I have similar thoughts….

Did you ever reach out for help and open up about not coping because your deperate for someone to understand or care but then you feel worse because you feel guilty for burdening others with your misery?

Did you ever feel so guilty that the only logical step is to disapear from earth because you think your a complete waste of space and everyone would be happier if you didnt exist?

Did you ever wonder why people say you should love yourself and not care what others think etc yet on the other hand they say that as humans we need to feel connected to survive, then realise noone really loved you and noone ever will so you just feel crushed, stuck and broken?

Did you ever feel ignored and forgotton from loved ones at the time when you need them the most but they dont even see it so you feel even more hopeless and scared?
Then at the end of the day you feel like an egotistical selfish jerk for being stuck in your own head and being a burden to others who just want to be happy and you cant make them happy so you worry they will abonden you eventually like everyone else has?