Hello Lily,

Step 1.  Delay your marriage.

Step 2.  Learn to communicate more effectively.

You say that you have had stormy times, ups and downs, yet you have only been together 2.5 years.  This means that you are both fighting for power in this relationship.

Step 3.  Accept that parents create problems.

Your mother was suicidal – chronically depressed and, unfortunately, we learn patterns of behavior during childhood.  She was rejecting her life and all that was in it, including you.  Our parents are our role models on whom we are dependent.  Your father rejected you as soon as you reached puberty.  The fact that you rejected his ways through rebellion is just what teenagers do.  It’s part of the growing process – finding your own way.

Your loss of interest and boredom in your life indicates that you are mildly depressed.  It’s OK to feel like this for a week or two, but if it goes on for months then it becomes a problem.  If you dwell on your problem, then it will loom larger, if you focus on the solution then you will be taking control of the situation.  Your feelings for your boyfriend are still there so keep focusing on those.  Mentally send love out to your boyfriend and then send that same love back to yourself.  Do this several times during the day whenever you think of it.

Boredom means that you are not incorporating things into your life that matter to you.  Find your passion.  What do you love to do?  Where are your strengths?  Find out what interests you and put your energies into it.

What I am saying is that you need to uproot all the negative messages received during childhood and replace them with positive messages by building on your own self worth – those negative messages are beneath the surface in your subconscious memory but are having a major impact on you now.  Bring them into your consciousness and see them for what they are.  They don’t belong to you, they’ve been given to you by your parents.  You are quite entitled to give them back to the people they belong to as you don’t need them any more.

With best wishes.

Peggy