I’d just ask your friend’s wife “hey, I noticed you guys are friends on Facebook now. How did that happen?” or something like that

I did ask her as soon as i found out.  I told her  i was dumbfounded and curious why.  All she told me was “Sorry, i didn’t realize being friends with someone on FB would be so bad.  We have been for awhile.”  This is right after I recently poured my heart out to her about how I was feeling.  And like i said, she hated her.  She disliked  her even when we were dating.  It’s just really freaking odd to me.

on a side note.  Me ex’s son’s birthday was on the 19th.  I sent her a message and told her to wish him a happy birthday for me, unless it would be weird.  Mainly just curious to her response.  She said thanks, but yes it would be weird.  I didn’t respond.  I wanted to say almost as weird as you friending my best friends wife?  But I didn’t think that would have been a mature response.

Yeah, honestly, from what you’ve said, your ex seems really quite immature and has a lot of growth to do, especially with the way she keeps coming in and out of your life, and especially if you think she’s mainly only talking to you when she’s lonely or possibly it could be a feed to her ego, knowing she still has you on a string, even when you were with someone else. That’s not a good quality for a life partner at all. I hope you’re able to use this time to yourself to build yourself to the point where you know you deserve better than that and you’ll attract someone who will give you better and TRULY be the right match for you.

I agree.  There really is no reason for her to have ever reached out to me like she has done time and time again, or said the things she has if she i really happy and in love, unless she is messed up and needs that control or power(ego) knowing she can always do that.  Or unless she can’t handle me being happy with someone else and now she knows I am alone  and that is why she has stopped communicating again.  I hate mind games.  It is really hard though.  Like you have felt about your ex.  I really do love her more than I could ever imagine was possible.  I hate that i fell so hard for someone and became so vulnerable and weak.  Love is an amazing thing.  it can bring a dead person to life and at the same time put someone in the grave.