Anita

Thank you again for your reply and suggestions, it is always helpful.

Can you elaborate on “too intense to allow comfort”? “here you didn’t try to form an intimate attachment, it was already formed within the two weeks of dating her. And the attachment was intense, too intense to allow comfort.” Are you suggesting basically i was moving too fast? I’ve never had a close comfortable attachment to anyone so i’m not sure how to feel attached and comfortable.

It is difficult for me to accept how irrational i started to become this time around. This has become a pattern for me, i’m so desperate to feel loved that i will accept almost anything someone promises me, no matter how foolish. I think this is the part where self-hatred flares up for me. I’m disappointed in myself for being ignorant. I’m also disappointed that I still want to reach out to her after her telling me not to contact me, even after reading all this, having gone through all that pain, I still want her to love me. It tears me apart, i feel weak.

When i reached out to her initially i was feeling confident and worthy the more i feel like i need people the more my confidence plunges. Now i feel hopeless, it’s painful to think ill never have a healthy relationship with a woman, i don’t want to believe it, but that’s what the pain keeps saying to me.