Dear Anita,

I agree with this – the inner circle aspect.

In fact, my husband was getting annoyed, and then because he was annoyed I was more annoyed.

She enjoyed Thanksgiving with us, and his parents had insisted she come, as they believe her to be family as well.  She had work the next morning and so the plan was for her to leave on the train early Friday morning after Thanksgiving.  My husband and I did not have work the next day.

We woke up at 5 am to drop her and her dog off to go to work in NYC (as she would start at around 7:30 for work).  She mentioned if we could keep her dog with us.  I first stated yes, (easier for her than to take him on the train – even though he is small – and then drop him off at home and head to work).  But  I noticed the annoyance in my husband.  The concept of one more day with 2 dogs running around frenzied (of course nothing against the dogs themselves!).  So I mentioned it that evening, her response was: “why can’t you just keep the dog here with you tomorrow?!”

My husband was perturbed by this comment, once again feeling like she doesn’t understand.  I realize she has done a lot for us recently, including watching my dog while I went away to CA with the flu and all.  But during this time she texted me constantly with anxiety about his diarrhea and worry.  I know it was a stressful time for her.  I know she has a lot on her plate being a young single person with no major support system like I have my husband.

So the next morning I went in the room to tell her, “it will be best for you to take your dog with you.” She responded: “ok”

I think she understood.

—-

The truth is – when I was in CA, sick as a dog with the flu – I know she was stressed.  She had some issues  at work that she was dealing with, and then my dog over.  My dog is high energy and can be needy when he does not feel well.  He had diarrhea while there as well.  But as my husband stated later.  The fact that she kept texting me about it, created more stress – and in the future he would just choose to board our dog elsewhere.  It isn’t beneficial to keep him with her if she continues to create more stress for us if it is overwhelming for her.  She does not realize when she is overwhelmed and thinks herself as “fine” and is angered by the concept that she has “hidden” so much from me when I was NC in order to protect me, and so she has a right to be herself and open.

She does.  And I have much fault in being over involved in her life as well.

But what I see now, Anita — is there is not enough room on this plate.  None at all.  I enjoy her company and being close to her in NYC, but I am glad i have developed more space for sure. Regardless of location.