Dear Cali Chica:

Yes, be gentle with your husband, be that intentionally, form that intention and carry it through using a soft voice with him, soft face, kind words, fewer, thoughtful, kind words.

Your sister repeats that you blame her for all your problems- that is a self serving claim, preventing you (if you buy into her claim) from holding her responsible to anything, invalidating your rightful anger; this is the dynamic I see:

She throws a first punch at you, a passive aggressive punch, but a punch nonetheless->

You react angrily->

She throws a second punch: I didn’t do anything (I was passive), and you are blaming me again!->

You feel confused, guilty, “walking on eggshells”, and still angry (because you were punched twice, after all)… “wound up and frenzied”.

anita