Pikeman,

i wouldnt give her an ultimatum. I know that would get things off of your chest, but it wont effectively help the situation in your favor of staying together. She will likely move out at that point.

i know how it feels, so exhausting that you just want it to be over with, but want it to end in your favor. Its a process. The hardest part is waiting it out without making the mistakes. As han beings, others on the outside think we can be coached as puppets on a string and follow the advice without our emotions getting involved, where we will make mistakes. It honestly feels impossible to follow the advice. Personally, i know how to treat situations in order to have them fall in my favor, but my emotions get too heightened at times that i cannot hold off from continuing to have involvement for my closure.

i do believe that in your situation, you need communication of the current situation, and you dont want to be toyed with. At first she wasnt touching you, now she is, but still is talking of moving out. That makes it confusing. These are the types of behaviors that cause people to break down and give up. The best you can do is talk when she brings things up, and just try to demonstrate being as centered as possible.

if you are feeling the jittery feeling and wrenching in your gut, i honestly feel for you. Its really tough and hopefully you can get some resolve.