Dear Anita,

Good morning to you! I went back to our threads from the last 2 days and re-read them.  It seems like we covered a lot of ground in just 48 hours.

As far as going back to 1-4 above and adding what it means in context with future interactions with my sister,  I will say this:

I do, by all means, have a deep primal love for my sister.  The type that is difficult to explain.

I also know that she is that delightful puppy that tends to unpredictably bite.

I also know that my communication tends to be direct – although can be blunt.  And hers is indirect – which can leave me feeling confused, uneasy, and feeling invalidated in my annoyance/anger/hurt.

I know that I do not do well with indirect or passive aggressive communication.  I thought back to many times in my life where this is apparent. And I know this for sure now after our communication.  It is not always possible to avoid this, obviously – but with my sister I know what I am working with now.

My approach with her should be the following:

I don’t want to lose contact with her, but I have to accept, even if it feels sad, that I am going to inevitably lose that “closeness” I feel.

The issue with that over closeness is the following: I will tend to over-extend myself, causing annoyances in her often – and I will allow many loop holes to be a victim of her biting – it is a lose-lose situation for all.

Instead, I will maintain my main energy on my inner circle – and ask my self each time I communicate with her and/or make a plan with her: does this serve me RIGHT NOW, does it serve my husband.  And lastly, is this a good time.

I notice I don’t do this.  I jump to interact with her if she reaches out to me immediately knee jerk.  Just as I did with my mother. Innate, instant, knee jerk.  That left me feeling angry, resentful, torn, and bitter.  Nothing good.

Now my mother is gone, so I have yet another person to relate this to – and it is crystal clear in front of me.

I must ask myself FIRST. I notice I never felt I had this “luxury” – but look how much I suffered due to that.  Look how much my marriage suffered too.  I must  ask myself FIRST, I am entitled to – it is imperative that I do.

ROAR!

Happy Friday to you – cheers to our strong coffees!