Dear blkhwkdwn1:

I figure what you really want, deep inside you, is to be her boyfriend, her life partner, romantically, physically, in any and every way. I don’t think being friends could possibly satisfy you even if she liked texting, even if you talked more often on the phone and saw her once a month.

What I mean by it, is that the heart wants what the heart wants even if your head is telling you that she deserves better than you and that you are not worthy of her. The heart isn’t going to say: oh, I am not worthy of her, so I will stop wanting her.

This is what I mean by the-heart-wants-what-the-heart-wants.

So you are trying to discipline your heart, to make it stop wanting her by cutting contact with her, blocking her. Didn’t work before, didn’t work 51 pages and 3.5 years.

And if you were her boyfriend, if that happened, you would probably get scared and stop having feelings for her. You would then stay away from her, but then… start missing her again.

This is a difficult situation, isn’t it?

anita