Dear Anita, yeah it’s true, it’s a dynamic that stems from the one with the early caregivers so much time ago. However I’m not really repulsed by the people I’m drawn to, I’m repulsed by the ones who are not them. If anything, I can feel inappropriate rage and resentment and hurt when someone I like wouldn’t do shit for me but I’m not repulsed by them. I try to tell myself that these attractions are based on dynamics from my early years and that probably these people aren’t good for me but at the end of the day, the longing is still here, the hurt is still here and the lack of enthusiast for giving a chance to other people is still here + their text message I actually couldn’t care less about receiving, I know you don’t change your brain in a day but I guess today it’s just another of my blues days in which I feel melancholy and frustration