I am ashamed to put someone in the position I was in . It was destructive and unhealthy and maybe I dug my own grave in making him turn to someone else .

Then he is a grown man, responsible for his decisions and should I blame myself ? I asked for honesty. I said I know things haven’t been great and if he’s seeing or talking to someone just please tell me . He’d get angry say I don’t trust him and that I was questioning his integrity . If I assumed he’d say he hate my assumptions, if I asked questions he’d say he hates my thousand questions.

I hurt .

No, I don’t think you should blame yourself. He made his own choices. You cannot push someone into someone else’s arms if they are loyal, no matter what you do, so he has shown you that he is not loyal or, at the very least, hasn’t been completely honest with either you or the girl he was “talking to.” I think you need to forgive him for his treatment and forgive yourself for doing the same, because forgiving both will help you to release the pain you feel, and then move on. He was not treating you in a way that you liked, so it would be better to cut ties with him, move on, and find someone who treats you in a way that you like.

I also don’t think you actually owe even him an email, especially if you’re still broken up. Unless sending one would help you to feel better, but I would keep it short and simple.