Dear crawford,

sorry for the late reply but I don’t log in here often I am afraid.

I am still not quite sure what you mean when you say “people who think they understand but only intellectualize what i tell them”. When you mentioned “As a great master once said, sharing the truth of the self to the wrong person is like putting a million volts through a electric shaver. It explodes.” I immediately thought of this in terms of someone enlightened (e.g.) Jesus saying something but its missinterpreted and causes great pain. For example I think I can safely generalize that Christianity did in the past cause great pain missinterpretating Jesus. Is that the kind of impact you mean? You later mentioned that you want “want recognition/reliance”  and don’t want people “stealing” your knowledge. So I don’t think at this point I have grasped the outcome you are worried about. Do you worry about a negative impact for yourself? Or for other people?

As for your brother, from the situation your described, I wouldn’t say he tried to take advantage of you. Or maybe not in the way you seem to take it, him wanting to steal something, take it without giving something (recognition?) back.What I interpret from your description instead is this: Your insecure brother was in a stressful situation for him. He turned to his brother, but beeing the shy/insecure person he is, he won’t say “Dear brother, I felt insecure in this situation. What should I do better next time?” Very few people do that, take the direct approach. maybe because they are afraid to be vulnerable. Still he wanted to voice the topic, see if you are willing to get into it. And you were (“i opened up a discussion about anxiety and my experience on it and let him know alot about it.”).

So in this case I wouldn’t read too much into it. But maybe instead of opening up a general discussion and talk about your experience, how about turning that question back on him? “Yes I notice it quite often that people are anxious, actually. You seemed to be a bit anxious yourself earlier, how come? Don’t you like (Person X)?”

As a sidenote I do wonder if he wondered if you were anxious, since you didn’t take part in the conversation between him and his friend.

One more thought on this:  ” The feeling of giving away some information which they should be able to solve on their own, and relying on me solving it for them in the guise of other people or manipulative ways.” This is something I experienced with my father in a bit different way. Him wanting something for example and not saying “Could you bring X?” but instead “You could bring X, you know.” (Can’t really phrase it well) So I feel I get the frustration when you think “You want something, freaking ask and don’t go about it this roundabout way” . Maybe calling them out on it (gently) might be one way for you to go. E.g. in my example: Ah you would like me to bring X for you?

What I disagree on with you is that you expect people to solve things on their own. Problem solving for me is one part reflection, but a bigger part team effort in some form or another (talking to friends/releatives/strangers/therapists/teachers etc., reading other peoples thoughts, observing).