Thanks Anita. I’ve been thinking about this a lot over the weekend and I think it would be as you say very wrong to get in contact. I want to stay with my higher self and think about the values of being a good person.

I think i’m going to talk to my partner about our intimacy. After the affair when we re-built our relationship we had couples counselling and did get back to a place of having better sex. However I still find myself thinking about this other guy during sex, which is not good, considering it’s been years.

I feel like the affair was a symptom of really not knowing myself well. Since my teens when my parents were slightly absent due my dads problems, I have gone from boyfriend to boyfriend. Even when single I’d get hung up quite a lot on particular guys, obsessing over when they’d text back etc.

I think with my relationship now, I’ve been in it since I was 21, over 10 years. You change a lot as an individual in that time and i certainly didn’t know myself sexually, until I probably met this guy I had the affair with, he brought out a different side to me, a side that felt more empowered, sexy, like a woman.

I don’t want to hurt my partners feelings, but feel perhaps I should talk about this with him in a careful way. I think my fear deep down is I don’t want to get married to the wrong person, or someone who doesn’t meet all my needs, but then I also feel like I need to grow up and accept that marriage is about accepting someone as they are and loving them all the same.  It’s hard to get the balance between being selfish and being a good person.