Dear Michelle:

The combination of the fact that you’ve been seeing him for only 4 months, and that he sees his friends “one or two times a month” makes it a non-alarming fact that he didn’t yet invite you to join him when he does see his friends.

Maybe spending time with his friends before he met you was a sanctuary for him away from his parents’ home where he lives. Fast forward, his friends are still is a sanctuary for him, time away from his parents and from anyone and everything else.

I don’t think it is a good idea to tell him that you love him because you wrote: “he is not vocal about declaring exactly what he wants, nor about how he feels”, and because it took some probing for him to say that he is in a relationship with you (“with some probing, he has said he is on board with a relationship with me”), and because it’s been only four months.

You wrote: “I am already programmed to expect the worst most of the time.. I guess I’m always prepared”- when we are prepared for the worst (in this case it would be the ending of this new relationship), we tend to make the worst happen sooner than later, so that we are no longer anxiously waiting for it to happen. Is this your experience?

anita