Thanks Anita. I agree. I feel that the friend thing is more my issue than his. He probably does see them as a nice reprieve from everyone else, where he can be completely himself.

Regarding him not being vocal about what he wants… Part of of it has a lot to do with him living with his parents and seeing it as a real step backward. On New Year’s Eve we discussed the highlights of 2019 and he said his had its ups and downs. He didn’t foresee moving back home, but he also met me, so overall it felt good. I think he may feel more decisive when he is not living in limbo. I think career changes are also on his mind. I always seem to find men who aren’t exactly settled and feel the need to be settled before they can offer me things. That being said he has been more consistent and forward in action then anyone I’ve ever been with. He’s surprised me with quite a few events, and I never had to guess whether he was going to still be interested in seeing me after a date. Very early on he was the one to be asking for repeated dates and saying that it felt like a while since we’d seen each other (yet it had only been a few days in between meetings). He still contacts me every morning and throughout the day and is always concerned if I am sick or have another issue. He is expressive in those ways. In time, in service and occasionally in gifts. His love language is not words, and that is why I am the one to be more expressive in that way.

I feel that I am different than other women he’s been with, because to say that any particular holiday has been the best ever compared to all other holidays like it in the past, feels quite expressive to me. He’s not always wordy in the ways I’d like, but he surprised me with nice things he says nonetheless.

My dilemma Anita, is how long should I be waiting to be authentic? I am a social studies grad, so I am constantly reading about relationship stats. Most people fall in love between 4-6 months in, and declare such love to their partner. Should I be patient because I am waiting for him to be more verbally expressive about how he feels and where he wants things to go? What if he is never able to do that unless I declare first, but he continues to show his love in other ways? I mean obviously I wouldn’t be the one proposing, but is there really a right time or wrong time to tell someone you love them? I don’t think I’m looking for the worst to happen sooner rather than later, I think I am looking to be truthful and see what is reflected back at me. I find it hard to have surface relationships, I like to go deep. A lot of my qualms in my past long-term relationship surrounded the fact that I wasn’t being true to myself and my needs. I was just allowing someone to decide what they needed with no real concern about me, or meeting me half way. Basically I want to be able to be me, without fear of breaking dating rules, or scaring someone off with my emotions.

Is there an amount of time that you would feel is an appropriate time to wait to express my love? Does he really need to do so first? I already know he’s going to have trouble expressing it back, or at all on his own. But it doesn’t mean I don’t feel it, and want him to know. One of my best friend’s told her now husband at about 6 months in, and it took him months after that to return the sentiment. She said she loved him so she just kept saying it and didn’t care that she was waiting. Sorry I’m not directing these questions at your pointedly, I’m just trying to figure it all out.