@Michelle thank you for your advice. Sometimes hearing the truth is a bitter pill to swallow. You are right my ex wasn’t the right partner for me or else he would’ve committed and we would be happy. I realised I wasted so much time going back when I should have taken a clean break and worked on myself. It’s basically me that’s the problem I need to look inwards. Thinking my ex was the one and without him I’m nothing has chipped away at who I was and my self esteem. I’ve asked my new guy for a little time to mend myself.. he is a good man and makes me feel alive  and I want to give him my all too but to do that I need to believe I’m worthy of him too and be present fully. I have started jogging again and the morning run is great. I chant in my head “I am good enough to be loved. I am worthy. I am going to be happy again.” By the end I feel the bad thoughts of my ex being the only one etc disappear.

@shelbyville Thank you for the reply. Yes Michelles advice is on point. Sometimes we must stop wallowing in pity and face the facts so I appreciate Michelle for being straight forward. I need that in my life. The bluntness helps you realise the facts. You can only move on if you let go completely and holding on is stupid after it’s become clear it wouldn’t work. I’m tired of feeling like crap because of one person who did not bring me as much joy as I thought or had planned with him. I will no longer let him ruin my future. I’ll always feel he owns a chunk of my heart but I’m going to battle to not let him let me lose again. First I lost him, then i lost myself and i dont want to lose a good man because of my own fears.

I’m no psychologist but with your new guy do you think you may be doing what I did? Pushing him away unconsciously. I kept saying to mine him liking me was unhealthy and he should move on but i missed him, seeing him with girls made me jealous these feelings you only get if there’s something more. If you think about it, is it just projecting? We loved someone who did not want us in the end, it got so unhealthy so now we project that instantly onto a new relationship or person due to our own insecurities.

If there’s no sexual chemistry between you then that’s that. But you said it feels like you’ve known him 10 years and he does a lot for you and he is more of a great guy than your ex but your ex still trumps him . Maybe thats because you are putting up a barrier like me and stopping something from being because really deep down you are scared if this great guy suddenly causes more feelings you will be at risk of losing him and experiencing this horrific pain called heartbreak. So you are stopping yourself from finding those little things you may begin to love in him and instead doing the easy thing putting ex on pedestal and saying to yourself you are not good enough to be loved again and vicious destructive cycle begins. I would not end it based on what you said about the new guy some of the best relationships are formed on friendships. Start running and follow tips michelle gave its helping me build my self esteem again so I can then enter a relationship with my new guy and give back and offer something to him too.