Anita,

You capture well what I indeed experience. The detail about reliving more than just one’s dry words is true, but what struck me is your very accurate description of how “we feel badly, we then feel good and think: oh, I got it! From now on I will be feeling this good, but  no, next we feel badly again.. and good and badly again” Very true, and funnily enough I had a conversation just the other night whether my parents suggested things never truly get better (not what I’m suggesting you’re saying). Your explanation of how connections in the brain are impossible to rewire with just logic also makes a lot of sense to me.

I’m also truly sorry to hear that so much of your life has been characterised by misery. I can only send you my best wishes for peace and hope that you have someone in your life as kind and non-judgemental as yourself.

It’s about the process, not the destination. I am aware of this. I am trying to accept that I perhaps won’t ever feel okay about myself the majority of the time.

I don’t want to seem stubborn, but… now that we’ve talked a bit about all that Anita, I wonder whether you still think the way I feel about my parents’ mortality is something that can only be solved by working on past traumas? If so, I think I am probably missing something and I’m sorry 🙁