Dear Helena:

Notice that in my previous post to you, I qualified submissiveness with “submissiveness to a domineering person“. I noticed earlier that you didn’t indicate submissiveness in the workplace and you mentioned that your relationships with men  before your husband were different.

Maybe you did “just grew into this situation over time”, although a more accurate verb than grew would be.. digressed or.. the opposite of growth.  It is ineresting that you wrote that maybe you love him, but my goodness, I detected no love in your accounts of him and the relationship, no affection whatsoever. No emotional need for him either.

If you do want to go the childhood route, why not. We can try it and if there is nothing there we can let it go. You wrote that when you were young, your mother has been “quite an authoritative person (setting boundaries, strict on achieving school results, being on time etc.)”-

– when you got a grade at school she wasn’t happy with, or when you were late for dinner or whatnot, what did she say to you, what was the expression on her face when she said what she said, did she punish you, time out, or spanked you.. ?

anita