Anita,

Thank you for your reply.

Lately I have been having car troubles, and phone troubles. I had to buy a new phone unexpectedly and a few hundred dollars in tools and car parts. While work is starting to pick up for me and im getting more clients every week money is still tight. All that to say most of the anger I’m feeling at the moment is towards my father for the way he’s been treating my sister, which lead me to completely shutting that relationship off. Not that we had been close, but I still would ask to use his garage from time to time, which i also put countless work hours in all kinds of weather to help build. So this time around I just did the work in my sisters driveway.

What makes me mad, pardon my language is that my dad is such an asshole, and easily manipulated by people. Long story short he basically wont allow my sister over the house to see him without an appointment because of his new girlfriend. While i had given up on my dad being a father years ago my sister was still holding out and it’s tearing her apart to realize my dad is a shitty person. So once again im angry with him because he continues to hurt people i care about, though in the long run i knew my sister would eventually have to come to grips with the reality of my parents so in some ways im glad she’s finally grieving the loss of her expectations of our dad to be a parent.

I also continue to find myself angry with society, for the damage i see harmful ideologies causing to people, myself included. I find myself angry with myself for a number of reasons, but mainly for continuing to not to love myself (i know it’s paradoxical and silly but its the truth) and continuing to long for friendships and romance. I’m angry and frustrated with myself because I find myself dissatisfied with life because of what i don’t have (mainly close relationships) even though i know i need to be grateful for the people i do have. I feel like i’m constantly getting in my own way, and i’m judgmental towards myself for needing people at all.