It’s a very important question and it needs through thinking. the valid message behind my anger at her….I think generally I am angry at her for being so uptight causing me to have less joy in life, and shying away from attention. I don’t feel at ease in my own skin.

I think she had a strong influence on these:

• feeling insecure about myself (I had mild eating disorder, still not fully comfortable with the way I look no matter what)
• wasting away my young ages feeling uncomfortable with men and with sex
• feeling inadequate and antisocial

Sure she can’t be the only reason, there is also one’s character and the things you experienced… I’m an introvert and I sometimes need alone time to charge myself. I like being like that, I have no problems with that. But when I felt I was struggling with my romantic relationships, I had to think about what was really happening and came all the way to where I am right now.