Dear noname:

I was just reading about emotional dysregulation on Wikipedia, and I’d say that emotional dysregulation, or inadequate emotional regulation is in the core of your current emotional experience. You feel too intensely, get scared of the intensity aka getting overwhelmed and as a result you are withdrawing.

Let me quote for you from what I read just a few moments ago with my comments on how it fits your current predicament: “Emotional dysregulation is a term used in the mental health community that refers to emotional responses that are poorly modulated.. exhibiting emotions too intense for a situation, difficulty calming down when upset, difficulty decreasing negative emotions, becoming avoidant or aggressive when dealing with negative emotions”-

– from your post, your extreme negative emotions in regard to an intimate relationship with this woman: “generally uncomfortable emotionally & physically intimate with people.. I let myself down again.. I’m afraid to move that direction”.

– you becoming avoidant: “apathetic towards life.. I want out immediately… I really feel more comfortable being completely alone.. feeling distant from my clients, my roommate, and friends.. I’m more comfortable keeping distance from everyone”.

The way to proceed is: do not reject this woman. If you do, it will give you the relief you seek, the relief from the intense negative emotions you are experiencing, but you will regret  it later. After all, you’ve been desiring an intimate healthy relationship with a woman for so long!

You will have to emotionally regulate yourself then. I bet you studied the topic of emotional regulation. Use the skills you learned about in practice today, this evening and onward. Aim at recognizing a negative feeling and decrease its intensity. Don’t get alarmed and overwhelmed. Take it one moment, one hour at a time. This is the only way you can make it, one hour at a time, proceed even though you are scared, but regulate that fear. And post back to me anytime.

anita