Dear Sofioula:

You were out one night and met a guy and “instantly felt hard for him”. First week of getting to know him, you talked “all day everyday through texts” and went to coffee dates. He treated you well, opening doors for you, paying for coffee, etc. You quickly learned that he didn’t have an education, that he misused his father’s money to play poker online, and that he doesn’t work for much of the year. He nicknamed you “puppy” because he said you are a “yes girl”, agreeable, that is, submissive.

When you asked him on the second week if the two of you were exclusive, he reacted coldly, distant. Second week you had sex with him at his place. The morning after, he didn’t call you and when you called him in the afternoon he was “sleeping and he was annoyed.. really cold and distant”. You asked him if he still wanted to see you, asking him this question “like a scared puppy, really politely.. said sorry for inconveniencing (him)”, and he responded negatively to you.

Later on you met and he “was colder than ever.. didn’t look me in the eyes.. downgrade my diplomas and make me fear my career future.. His kisses were faint and his holding my hands also”. The two days after, you asked him out and he refused. Later on he told you that “didn’t have any feelings for (you), that sex meant nothing.. saying I remind him of his ex, that he doesn’t want to waste time”. You “asked for a final meetup.. he denied.. Then he vanished.

My input today: your submissive behavioral pattern with men- being a yes-girl, and sorry-to-inconvenience you-girl- once again did not work for you.

Even though you derive pleasure from acting submissively with a man, I still suggest what I suggested to you before: “creating a Sophie who is Direct, Assertive, Soft and Honest: DASH“.

Earlier this month in your previous thread, you wrote: “There is nothing I hate more, nothing I am more afraid of than being/ witnessing unfairness. More than death, more than loneliness, more than pain. When I was a child, I wanted to become a judge or lawyer to protect victims (especially of rape/domestic violence/human rights)”-

– There is no occupation that requires more assertiveness than a lawyer or a judge. A submissive “yes girl”, or more accurately, a submissive yes-man or yes-woman would make a terrible lawyer!

Better become a DASH lawyer in your own life- protecting yourself from mistreatment and unfairness. (Instead of inviting it).

anita